Friday, July 9, 2010

Dan Gilbert is Kanye West Crazy!

After Lebron James drove a stake into the heart of Cleveland last night, Cav’s majority owner Dan Gilbert went on a rampage and wrote a letter to Cavaliers fans. In that letter, he shredded Lebron James as a person and tried to comfort the Cavaliers fans, assuring them that their team is now more motivated than ever to bring a championship to Cleveland. Below you will find the letter that was posted on the Cavaliers web site on Thursday night.

I didn’t feel that the letter was complete. So, I took it upon myself to finish the message that I believe Dan Gilbert was trying to convey.

Dear Cleveland, All of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight. (Most likely at some sort of watering hole drowning your sorrows)

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier. (He’s playing for a better team now)

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his ``decision'' unlike anything ever ``witnessed'' in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us. (But if he would have chosen us, we would have applauded his actions and deemed them “worthy of a King”)

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you. (We will just continue to raise ticket prices and give you a mediocre team that will most likely never win an NBA championship)

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you. (But we won’t be telling you about our inability to acquire talent to surround Lebron while he was here in Cleveland).

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much (of your hard earned money) and deserve so much more (but we won’t give it to you).

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE'' (and by NBA championship I mean the #1 pick in next years NBA draft as a result of having the worst record in the league).

You can take it to the bank. (But not right away…there isn’t enough money in that account to cover my guarantee).

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland (you probably weren’t paying attention to our team), I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our ``motivation'' to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels. (But considering the play of our team the past few years, that still doesn’t amount to much)

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown ``chosen one'' sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And ``who'' we would want them to grow-up to become. (But if he would have chosen us, we would have made it a law in the state of Ohio that every child, boy or girl, be named Lebron James).

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called ``curse'' on Cleveland, Ohio. (At least we hope so…nothing else has worked).

The self-declared former ``King'' will be taking the ``curse'' with him down south. And until he does ``right'' by Cleveland and Ohio, James and the town where he plays will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch. (Anything but Cavaliers games… It’s not going to be pretty these next few years).

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day... (But not for those of you getting schnockered after watching Lebron’s announcement tonight)

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only: (selling you on empty promises)

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and are long overdue...

Dan “not able to get the job done” Gilbert
Majority Owner
(and biggest loser in the Lebron sweepstakes)
Cleveland Cavaliers

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